


The Problem with (Emperor's) Covens

by Pra370r1an



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Coven Guards, Emperor Coven, Just some friends on the wrong side of history
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pra370r1an/pseuds/Pra370r1an
Summary: An Emperor’s Coven guard turned to his buddy below him, “Hey Grif?”The other Coven Guard looked up, “Yeah, Simmons?”“I can’t help wondering what we could’ve done to avoid this.”Grif let out a sigh, “I’ve been asking myself that question since this Rebellion started-Just a fun little story about some Coven Guards who are a bit over their heads...
Comments: 15
Kudos: 24





	The Problem with (Emperor's) Covens

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was going to be a funny bonus part of an upcoming chapter for "The Will of the Titan" but I felt it would be too clashing with the rest of the chapter. So I expanded the idea a bit and got a short fun little story about incompetent Coven Guards.
> 
> Some Spanish, translations are in the notes at the end.

An Emperor’s Coven guard turned to his buddy below him, “Hey Grif?”

The other Coven Guard looked up, “Yeah, Simmons?”

“I can’t help wondering what we could’ve done to avoid this.”

Grif let out a sigh, “I’ve been asking myself that question since this Rebellion started. I honestly think some of the coven system could have used a reformatting, not much mind you. Just, you know, there was honestly some redundancies in the more specific covens. I mean there was three different covens dealing with cats. Cats! Why did we need three?”

Grif continued, “And then maybe we could have broadened the spell usage for those types of covens too. I mean how many spells are there that deal with just cats? Honestly, I think that’s the crux of the issue. I’d get bored of always casting cat spells too, you know? But Hindsight’s 20/20 I guess…”

Silence descended upon the woods around the two, until…

“Hey Grif?”

“Yeah Simmons?” Grif answered looking up at his buddy, tightly bound and hanging from a tree branch by some vines.

“I meant about getting ambushed and tied up with plant magic…”

Simmons looked down at Grif, vines held him upside down against the trunk of a tree.

“Oh, uhh Yeah…”

“What was all that about cat covens?”

“Uhh, Hmm? Nothing.”

“…You want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

Yea.”

An awkward silence rose up between them, the only sound being the woods around them. After a few minutes, thumps could be heard in the woods coming closer.

“Uh, oh,” Simmons said as he turned slowly in the air.

“Uh, oh? What uh, oh? Is it a monster!? Are we gonna die!?” Grif struggled to see from his spot close to the ground.

“No, it’s worse…”

“WHAT IN TARNATION ARE YOU TWO DOING UP THERE!?”

From the treeline, two more coven guards and a large brown abomination stepped into the clearing. The lead coven guard yelled at the two friends in a heavy accent.

“Oh, you know, just hanging out Sarge…” Simmons sighed.

“Well get down and fall in! There’s a rebellion to beat after all!”

“We’d love to Sarge, really, but we could use some help?” Grif called from the tree.

“Of course, you would need help Grif! I bet you did this yourself to get out of work!”

“Please, I wish I thought up something that clever,” Griff grumbled.

“Fine seeing as how I need to do everything around here!” Sarge complained. “Donut, Lopez! Get them down!”

“You got it Sarge!” The other coven guard said with enthusiasm as he ran over to Grif.

“Está bien, pero solo porque son un poco mejor compañía que tú,” The abomination droned in a monotone voice as it stretched it’s arms up towards Simmons.

“Yes, it is an excellent plan Lopez! Thank you for noticing!” Sarge proudly agreed.

“Wow, Sarge! You can finally understand the AI Brew?” Simmons said with wonder.

“No! Despite my best efforts the Abomination Intelligence Brew still speaks this unintelligible language,” Sarge gestured towards the Brown abomination. “I blame the alchemists at the Abomination Coven for giving me the wrong instructions.”

“Yo estuve ahí. Él "eyeballed" las instrucciones de vertido y abandonó un tercio del camino diciendo que estaba hecho.”

“Yes, there was quite a few eyeballs used, Lopez. However, as a highly skilled Coven member, I have developed a keen sense of understanding Abominations,” Sarge chuckled. “Yes, me and Lopez share a bond greater than father and son…”

“No me has dado nada que reverenciar. Te traicionaré la primera oportunidad que tenga…”

“Wow, that’s amazing Sarge! If only I was as powerful as you!” Simmons said in amazement.

“¿Sabes que?” Lopez asked in his monotone voice. He stopped trying to disentangle the vines and just reached up cutting the vine keeping Simmons in the air.

Simmons screamed and hit the ground with a thud, “…Ow…”

Grif had a different problem.

“Wow, these are on here tight. You know this reminds me of this delicious seaweed wrap at this cute spa I found!”

“Uhh, Donut?”

“Yeah, they harvest the seaweed from off the coast of the armpit. I know, I asked and no it’s not armpit hair. But they wrap you up like a mummy, right?”

“Donut?”

“Then you have to eat your way out, and its super good for your skin and digestive system!”

“Donut!?”

“OH! You should come with next time! We could make a day of it!”

“DONUT! Please! I will go anywhere and do anything, just please get me down! All the blood rushed to my head like two hours ago!”

“That’s the most activity that brains ever got,” Sarge quipped unhelpfully.

“Shut up Sarge,” Grif groaned.

“OH EMM GEE! I am so sorry Grif! I’ll get you down in a jiffy!” Donut resumed his cutting, and after a few minutes Grif fell face first from the tree.

“…Thank you Donut…” Grif seethed from the ground.

“Well now that you ladies are situated. Let’s get a move on!” Sarge ordered, leading the way through the trees. “There’s a war on you know.”

With various grumblings, in two languages, the rest of the Coven Squad moved out.

**Author's Note:**

> A shiney gold cookie for anyone who knows this reference
> 
> Also why the heck are there 3 cat covens? can they only cast cat related spells? I really hope they explain the more specific covens in coming seasons.
> 
> Está bien, pero solo porque son un poco mejor compañía que tú-Okay, but only because they are a little better company than you.
> 
> Yo estuve ahí. Él "eyeballed" las instrucciones de vertido y abandonó un tercio del camino diciendo que estaba hecho-I was there. He "eyeballed" the pouring instructions and left a third of the way saying it was done.
> 
> No me has dado nada que reverenciar. Te traicionaré la primera oportunidad que tenga-You have given me nothing to revere. I'll betray you the first chance I get
> 
> ¿Sabes que?-You know what?


End file.
